Growing Together

Lately, I have been reminded of the beauty of God's steadfast redemptive plan, which remains constant even when I cannot see it. God's process of creating us into who we were made to be is not quick or easy. Sometimes it's hard to understand or trust in things we cannot see. But if we have faith through the ambiguity and the fog, I believe we will, with God's help, one day fully realize the beauty woven throughout the joy and the sorrow of our journey towards completeness.

Today I give thanks for the beauty that I see in God's restoration of Perla and Ami's family. Back2Back first met Perla and Ami six years ago at the San Jose Children's Home. Perla was a timid, quiet little girl who sometimes seemed to want to be invisible. Ami, Perla's younger sister, was a boisterous fighter who wasn't afraid to let you know what she was thinking or feeling. Despite having opposite personalities, these two sisters were very close and both shared the same hope of someday moving back home to live with their mom. They understood that their mom wasn't in a place to care for them at the time but that didn't change their longing to be united as a family. Throughout their stay at the children's home Perla grew to be a self-confident, proud young lady, and Ami learned to channel her emotions and outgoing personality toward contagious charisma. Their mom, Esmeralda, also grew during this time, healing her past hurts and learning parenting skills. Throughout 8 long years in the children's home, Perla and Ami never lost hope or stopped dreaming of their family being together again. Last June, the girls were finally reunited with their mom. While the transition has had its hard moments, they have always worked through things together as a family.

God never abandoned Perla and Ami's family--not during their stay at the children's home or during their transition home to live with their mom--and he won't abandon them in this next chapter of their lives either. God used the 8 years of unknowns and separation while living in a children's home to heal Perla, Ami, and Esmeralda so they could be safely restored as a family again. And I for one believe the pain of those years is nothing compared to the beauty of their restored family today. Not only have they been reunited, but they are growing--Esmeralda is expecting a baby boy this spring, and Perla and Ami are beyond excited to be big sisters. Thanks be to God.

Pictures from Esmeralda's Baby Shower

Going Home to Rossy's

Living as a missionary for a year in a half changed my understanding of home. While Upland, IN is my most significant place and I still call it home, my understanding of where home is and what it means to be home is much more dependent on relationships than location. Being with my family feels like home. Going to UCC feels like home. Drinking a quake at Payne's with friends feels like home.

And in January, I was able to go home to Rossy's Bible school while visiting Back2Back Cancun. Spending time with my beloved Bonfil kids, seeing how they've gotten taller and more mature and more loving, and being able to share life with them even for a few short days--I was home.

While I was visiting, God blessed me with the chance to teach the middle school Bible class like I did twice a week for the 18 months I lived in Cancun. We talked about worship and what it means to glorify and honor God. We talked about the difference between general worship, honoring God in how we live every day, and special worship, honoring God by spending time intentionally declaring his praises, praying, and reading the Bible. Looking more at general worship, we talked about obedience as a way to worship God, about how we obey whatever or whomever we love the most (ourselves, others, or God). The kids listened attentively and were eager to answer questions to earn points for their team in hopes of winning the prize of stick-on tattoos. And as I heard children declare who God is and what it looks like to obey him by loving others, being generous, and helping out around the house, I was filled with joy. My heart was full because I felt at home--everything felt comfortable and familiar and filled with trusting love--but everything wasn't the same as six months ago, it was better. It was better because the kids hadn't remained stagnant, they had grown. They were more respectful and more encouraging and more excited than ever to share how God is real to them.

Standing in the cement-block classroom of the Bible school surrounded by 30 middle schoolers, in the middle of an urban neighborhood filled with poverty, drugs, and violence, I couldn't help but smile. From the outside looking in, I had so little in common with the children I felt so at home with--they are Mexican, I am American; they struggle to afford food everyday, I am live in a world of middle-class comforts; they have lived so many hard things in their 8 or 10 or 14 years of life, I have experienced a life of safety and security. But despite our differences, we are united in Christ. And in their presence, I am home. Through that little Bible lesson, God reminded me that home is wherever there is fellowship with Him and His family of believers. Through those kids, He gave me a glimpse of what it will be like to be home in heaven someday, worshiping God in perfect unity and fully restored relationships with God, one another, and ourselves. And I am so grateful for the gift of that little glimpse of home.

Looking Back and Looking Ahead

Rubi outside her house

Yesterday I was able to share some of the exciting things that God has been doing in Cancun, Mexico with my church, and I thought I would share it with all of you, too :) I've loved being the social worker for Back2Back's Cancun site for the past year and a half and getting a front row seat to the ways that God has been at work reaching his children in Mexico. The first person who comes to my mind when I think about God’s healing power is a 15 year old girl named Rubi. 

Rubi at the annual Girls Retreat

Rubi comes from a violent, abusive home and had been caught drinking, smoking, and getting involved with an older boyfriend. Her dad died when she was six, and she never got along with her step dad. Her mom was diagnosed with cancer in February. After working with Rubi and her family for six months, Rubi pulled my co-worker aside after class. Rubi said “you and Sarah keep saying that when you believe in God you’re not alone anymore because God’s with you—I don’t want to be alone anymore; show me how.” So they prayed and sang a worship song together and we gave Rubi a Bible—she reads it all the time. In May, her mom was healed of cancer—Rubi says she knows God’s real because he answered her prayers to heal her mom; she says that now it’s her job to tell everybody about him and obey him. Rubi stopped hanging out with her old friends, stopped drinking and smoking, and regularly attends Bible classes. God is in the process of redeeming not just Rubi’s story, but all of his children's stories in Cancun. Four girls living at the children’s home have been reunited with their biological moms, and two more are expected to transition home this fall. Four parents and five teens accepted Christ this year. All of the kids are studying with tutors—some are even above grade level, and three of our kids have begun volunteering at their church’s tutoring program. And the Community Center of Tres Reyes will open in the fall after over two years of construction. God is good.

Thank you for all of the ways you’ve been involved in God’s ministry through Back2Back Cancun—through your prayers, encouragement, and financial support. It’s been a beautiful year and a half of service for me, and I’m excited to continue working with Back2Back part-time as I begin graduate school this fall in St. Louis. I’ll continue supervising Back2Back’s new social worker and helping with program development via the internet and visiting the site every few months. I ask that you’d please pray for me and the Back2Back Cancun site during this transition and would like to invite you to continue partnering with me both through prayer and financial support as I’m in the process of raising about $5,000 for this part-time role. I’d love to talk with you more if you’re interested and share 1,000 more God stories about adorable children with you. Thank you so much for the blessing you’ve been to me and God’s ministry in Cancun. <3

Saying "see ya later" to Mexico

As I think about heading back to the States to start grad school in a few weeks, my heart is divided. I'm both excited and sad to leave people who I've come to love here in Mexico. I feel blessed that I'll be able to continue working with Back2Back part-time over the internet supervising the new social worker and continuing to influence how we work with these beloved kids and families here, but I also know that I won't be able to do my favorite part of my job from St. Louis.

From an outsiders point of view, my job may seem flashing and exciting and world-changing. I, however, would say that I am in the business of healing hearts, which is in essence a miraculously mundane process. There are no perfect words or quick fixes. Lots of time, lots of waiting, lots of being together, some words, some mistakes, lots of forgiveness, some tears, and lots of laughs. But no magic buttons.

I'm a missionary in Mexico, and what I do everyday is miraculously mundane. Nothing I do is glorious--although I do it all with and for a glorious God. I listen to upset mothers and lead kids in games and break up fights and make birthday cakes and take kids to the doctor. All things that normal families do--I just so happen to do all of those things with little brown-skinned Spanish speakers. And while those moments taken separately are nothing special, when done together they lead to trust and love and healing. And that is the slow but glorious work that God has called me to be a part of here in Cancun--and that is why it is so hard for me to leave. Because leaving for 1 1/2 years means giving up all of the little moments in which lay all of the meaning and which I have come to love and treasure quite desperately.

I love that I know that Hania doesn't like cheese on her sandwich and that all of the middle school boys like Carla and that Eduardo acts up when he gets too hot and that Gael is really 10 years old (even though he tells everyone he's 12) and that Jonatan loves to dance during worship. I love that Luis calls me Auntie and that Citlally asks where my ring is when I forget to put it on and that Jiromi and I share a birthday and Ami and I have an inside joke about the time she ate a whole bag of carrots just to hear me say that I was proud of her for eating her vegetables.

I love all of those little moments and those are little moments that I can't have over the internet; they are moments that only exist by being together. And that is what I will miss most while at grad school--being with these kids. And yet I say yes to another change, another city, another opportunity to learn, another chance to see God in new ways
 knowing that the children and families I love are his and that he will keep them and draw them to himself. I move forward knowing that the love and relationships God gave me in Mexico were not given in vain, but for his glory. I trust him both with the kids present and their future, and I trust him with the love I've come to have for them--longing for that beautiful day when we will no longer be separated by time or distance or any of the barriers that exist in this world. A day when we can fully know and embrace one another in complete and total worship to God. So today I thank him for being God and for being good and for working out all things for his good, pleasing, and perfect will.

King Daniel

It seems like so few things in life can be reduced to black and white--people are complicated and most situations seem to be a mix of both good and bad. Sometimes it can feel long working with kids and watching them improve and digress, improve and digress... it can be easy to want black and white, right and wrong, clearly defined situations even though you know that such polarizations wouldn't really encompass the whole truth.

In the midst of such a fluid process of change and growth, every once and a while I'm surprised by a black-and-white, visible, undeniable moment that allows us to witness 100% improvement with a child. And I believe those moments should be shared :)

Daniel with his siblings and I working with a Team

I know a 6 year old boy named Daniel. One of the first times that I met Daniel was at a Bible class where we were handing out suckers as a reward for good behavior. I asked Daniel if he liked suckers, and he looked at me with the "if you don't know the answer to that question you must really be stupid" face that only 6 year olds can get away with and replied "Sarah, look at my teeth. Does it look like I like suckers?" and sassily showed me a mouth full of rotted out, black teeth. It's safe to say Daniel likes sugar :)

Up until this month, Daniel refused to smile for pictures because he was ashamed of his teeth. He was also in danger of never having healthy permanent teeth because of how bad his baby teeth were. Daniel's mom didn't have enough money for the treatment that he needed. Through child sponsorship we were able give Daniel's family a scholarship for 85% of the cost
of the treatment. The day after his first visit to the dentist Daniel's brother came running to the Bible school to tell me I had to see Daniel's teeth--they looked beautiful. As I was talking with his brother, I saw Daniel round the bend coming to the Bible school. I called at him from a block away "King Daniel! Look at you, Mr. Handsome! Come on, show me those beautiful white teeth!" Daniel came running towards me flashing his beautiful white smile all the way. When he got to me he shoved his smile in my face and proudly proclaimed that he already showed his new teeth off to all of his neighbors.

Daniel isn't ashamed to smile anymore and finally feels like the little king I always tell him he is. The dentist said the treatment will save his adult teeth so his smile will go on shining for the rest of his life. God loves Daniel and saw how much help he needed for his teeth long before we did. He brought Daniel and his sponsors together and used that beautiful friendship to restore Daniel's teeth changing them from black to white. Just like God saw Daniel's visible, physical need he also sees into our hearts to know what each of us needs even in situations that are very much grey and complicated. And just like God had a plan for fixing Daniel's teeth, he has a plan to restore each of our hearts to him. And that black and white promise gives me more than enough hope to sit in the grey situations; I hope it does the same for you.

Marisol: God's Princess

Sometimes kids amaze me. Just when you think they're not paying attention or they don't understand what you're trying to teach them, they say or do something that's more profound than what you've been saying all along. And it reminds me that I'm not the true teacher or the true changer of hearts: God is.

Marisol with Three of her Sisters

Rodrigo, who is Special for Being a Good Brother to Marisol

I had one of those moments a few days ago while I was doing some self-esteem activities with a family of 7 kids. We talked about truths that God says about us and lies that people sometimes tell us. Then we read the book You are Special by Max Lucado and finished by making bookmarks decorated with stickers explaining what makes us special. I explained that we are special because God created us, and he loves us. Some of us are special because we're really good at math, others because we're really funny, and others are special for still other reasons. About halfway through I noticed that Marisol was writing a lot on her bookmark. I started to smile as I thought back to the first time I met her--she was quiet, had scared eyes, and responded to most of my questions with an "I don't know" shoulder shrug. She couldn't tell me what she liked to do or what she wanted to be when she grew up, and it seemed like what she wanted most was to go unnoticed. I thought about how much I'd seen her grow in the past year... she always participated in the class now, was eager to volunteer to read, greeted me with a smile and hug every time I came to the house, and would enthusiastically tell others that she wanted to be a teacher when she grew up.

Marisol, God's Beloved Princess

"Sarah, Sarah!" I was drawn out of my daydream by Marisol handing me her bookmark. "Sarah, I finished." she declared with a big smile. I read her bookmark aloud "God says I'm special because I am his princess. God loves me, and that's why I'm a princess and why I'm beautiful." Marisol never would have said that a year ago. And yet, it is so true. Marisol is pretty and kind and good at drawing, but the root of what makes her special is that she is God's and that He loves her. And I am so glad that she knows that and am so amazed by the ways that God is pursuing her and restoring her and making her into who He created her to be. Thanks be to God!

A Night for Japan

“Konichiwa, Yugin! Yugin! Konichiwa! Konichiwa, Yugin!” I giggled while driving as I listened to 8-year-old Jonatan practice the Japanese greeting “Hello, Friend” in a variety of voices ranging from Asian ninja to elderly grandpa to preppy girl.

“Noooo! The other van is going to beat us! Faster, faster, faster!” shouted Fanny. “Sa-rah, Sa-rah, Sa-rah” the kids began chanting in unison. “Sa-rah, Sa-rah, Sa-rah” we were just about to turn into the neighborhood, a good 50 yards in front of the other van full of kids coming to Japan night when….

“NO!!!!!” I exclaimed. The kids grew silent. “A red light!” All of the kids screamed in horror! “Turn green, turn green, turn green” we pleaded as the other van rounded the bend. Suddenly we were neck and neck. The light turned green, and my van coasted through the gate just before the other van. The kids exploded with cheers and laughter—we made it to Japan! To be more accurate, we had made it to the Back2Back group house that was decorated like Japan and where we would spend the night celebrating and learning more about the island nation. But from the kids’ perspective it was just as good as Japan :)

We passed out the passports, paired each child up with an American friend for the evening, and sent them to the basement where we would experience Japan for the night. The twinkle lights and paper lanterns had been hung with care. Kids giggled as they sat on towels on the floor placed around low-lying tables, enjoying cups of green tea. The tutor started off the evening by telling us more about the island country and leading us in an activity worksheet. Then the kids got to learn how to make sushi with their new American friends—the silent room was filled with both determination and concentration as Americans and Mexicans delicately lined up the ingredients and used the bamboo placemat to roll out the most perfect looking sushi rolls. As Brian put it, he didn’t like the sushi roll—he loved it!

For dinner we had fried rice, a new dish for all of the kids. As much as they enjoyed the rice, I think they liked eating with chopsticks even more. Their faces beamed with pride as they conquered a piece of chicken or a pea or a bit of rice by wedging it between the two thin sticks and shoving it into their mouths. We finished off the night by making Japanese paper lanterns and handing out goodie bags with Japanese hot wheels cars and Hello Kitty cookies.

 As I dropped the kids off at their houses that night with voices shouting Sayonara Sarah still echoing in my mind, I was overwhelmed with joy. Through simple things like celebrating Japanese Night, these kids were learning that the world is big and that different cultures do things differently and that people can do really big, cool things through Christ. To me, that night was an example of how God wants to give more to his children. He doesn’t want them to live mediocre, ok, fine lives. He wants to invite them into a life filled with abundance that is so much bigger and greater than we can imagine. While those kids’ parents were sitting at home counting out pesos wondering what they could afford to buy for dinner, God saw them and brought a Bible teacher to live next door who has been serving hot meals twice a week for twenty years. While their illiterate moms were struggling to make their kids do the homework that they couldn’t read, God saw them and brought a tutor to the Bible school last November to help them succeed. And while neighbors are shooting fathers with bullets out of anger, God sees and sends an angel to help his children not to be afraid. So while I don’t know the plans that God has for his children, I am confident that they are far greater than anything I can ask for or imagine, and I am grateful that he has allowed me to be a part of bringing more to his children’s lives albeit in small ways like a pretend field trip to Japan.