Bonfil Teens Go to Youth Group :)

Do you remember what it was like to see the world through the eyes of a child—the excitement of picking out whichever candy bar you wanted from rows upon rows of choices at the gas station; having your eyes opened to the immense pleasure of undiscovered worlds during your first visit to the movie theatre; the joy found in digging for buried treasure in the dirt under park benches?

I love how kids tend to see the world with such purity, simplicity, and wonder. And I love that my job gives me the opportunity to see the world through their eyes so much of the time. I was most recently reminded of this while taking some of the teenagers from the Bonfil community to youth group at my church. It was a whole new world for them: a water dispenser with funny little red plastic cups, swiveling air conditioners, blue Bibles with doves stamped with black ink on the pages, new songs, the expectation to sit and listen quietly—SO much newness, both overwhelming and invigorating for them.

Oscar prays for peace and harmony

None of them go to church, and while some of them have been on special holidays, none of them had ever been to a church like this. And while I struggled to keep them quiet and attentive, painfully aware of the backward glances and whispers from others each time my kids giggled inappropriately or made a snide comment or said they were tired of sitting in the class and wanted to play, I was overcome with love for my kids when the teacher asked what we would ask God for if we could ask for one thing. Other teens asked for Xboxes, a cello, play stations. My boy leaned over to me and whispered “peace and harmony”.

I was, again, overwhelmed by tenderness when the teacher asked us to turn to Joshua 1:9 in our Bibles. I smiled, knowing that this was one of the verses that my kids had memorized. When the teacher began to read the verse, one of my boys pushed past three of the other students, grabbed my arms, and with a look of absolute amazement exclaimed “Sarah! I know this verse! It’s the one we learned together! It really is in the Bible!” I couldn’t hold back my laughter as he tore through the pages looking for Matthew 6:9-13 (the Lord’s Prayer), another passage we had memorized.

So after a night of new experiences and saying goodbye to the teacher who thanked me for bringing “my” kids, who he agreed are “full of life”, we got back into the van and headed home. It was pure excitement the whole way back—“We loved it!” they shouted.

“Won’t you please take us with you on Sunday, too, Sarah—please!” begged one girl.

Three Teens from the Bonfil Community

“I made friends with the boy next to me today, Sarah, his name is Jeffery.” interrupted the boy sitting next to her.

“Who wants to go back again next week?” I asked.

“ME!!!” they all shouted in harmony. And I just smiled, happy to be in a van full of teens who beg to go to church and are delighted by finding verses they know in Bibles and who take little red plastic drinking cups home from churches as souvenirs to show their moms.

Special Stories

I love people, and I love their stories, and I feel beyond blessed every time that someone chooses to share their story with me. By doing so, they're inviting me into their life and into their heart, and I find that to be deeply beautiful. One of my favorite things that I get to do with Back2Back is help the kids we work with to write down their life stories. I love watching their eyes sparkle as they tell me about the happiest thing they remember doing or what they want to be when they grow up. I giggle every time someone tells me they love Justin Bieber, and I'm always struck by how deeply, purely, and simply children understand the world we live in. Kids are truly remarkable.

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Most of the time, I try to write their life stories with just them so they don't feel pressured by their siblings or parents and so they can have the space to think. But when I went to little Luis's house to hear his story, his mom wanted to be a part of it, too. I said yes, although somewhat begrudgingly, knowing that Luis wouldn't tell me certain things because his mom was there. But God knew what he had planned for that day. Luis was nervous at first, but after a few questions I saw his face visibly change. He was glowing--soaking up every moment of talking about his life with his mom. I couldn't help but smile as I watched them talk about what Luis was good at, fun things their family has done together, and their story of moving to Cancun. It was obvious that Luis was loving the one-on-one attention he was getting from his mom, and I couldn't help but wonder if this was the first time they'd talked so much about just him.

Luis's Family at the Bonfil Community Christmas Party

In that moment, I was reminded of why I am working with Back2Back Ministries in Mexico. God brought me here to be a part of the work of his heart and to reach his children: to restore families, to redeem broken hearts, and to reach those who are earnestly seeking him. And I think that starts with one person feeling loved and special. Eventually those moments of feeling loved and special add up, and kids begin to understand that what God says is real, and healing takes place, and God is glorified. So as I help kids to write their stories and teach classes and plan events it's beautiful to know that I'm not the one making the change, God is. It's equally as lovely that God has decided to include me in that work so that I get to see with my own eyes so many of those little moments that add up to big change. We serve a very good God.

Little by Little

As many of you know, I recently moved into my own little apartment behind our new group house. Like most spaces that haven’t been lived in for a few months, there were a few cobwebs and stains that needed cleaning before I could move in; there was a particularly large stain on the floor in the bathroom, but I didn’t think much of it because I figured it wasn’t anything a good mopping wouldn’t take care of. Little did I know what I was up against. I tried everything—bathroom cleaner, bleach, CLR, special sponges. So little progress, so much perma-grunge. However, as time went on, I began to notice that every time I would mop the stain would get ever-so-slightly smaller. Some of the toughest cleaners chemists have contrived were working just as effectively as daily mopping.

Adela's Birthday Pool Party

And while it may seem like a strange parallel, it reminded me of the kids I work with everyday. They’ve all lived hard things, and those hard things have left stains on their hearts. And sometimes I wish that I could remove those stains with one motivational speaker at a retreat or a well-planned Bible class or a few sessions with a therapist, but it doesn’t work that way. Their stains are the type that need daily cleansing and attention. While I may not always be able to see it, every load of groceries, delivery of library books, visit with short-term mission groups, and birthday party is slowly but surely cleaning the stain from their hearts. A weekend retreat may have the same power over the stain as chatting over an afternoon ice cream cone—it’s something you just can’t predict.

Breaking Open the Pinata

And last Sunday at a little girl’s birthday party, I got to see a little piece of stain be wiped clean. The birthday girl’s older sister, Paty (11), was in the kitchen. She’d already eaten a hot dog and was halfway through her cheeseburger when she brought me her plate and declared “Sarah, I’m full. I’m not going to eat the rest of my cheeseburger right now”. That may sound like a typical kid response at a birthday party, but Paty’s not a typical girl. When we first started having the girls over they would eat like a college football team, stuffing themselves to the brim, because life had taught them you had to gorge yourself when given the opportunity because you didn’t know when your next meal would be. But on Sunday, Paty didn’t feel like she needed to eat until she felt uncomfortable, which shows that she trusted that there would be food for her to eat when she did get hungry again. She no longer needed to live in fear for her basic needs. She would be taken care of.

Paty :)

And in that moment, I just smiled knowing that a stain we’d been scrubbing for over 4 years now was begin to come clean. Sometimes God calls us to big flashy things, and sometimes he calls us to be faithful in the everyday; we must not forget the power that lies in daily, persistent obedience. And so I’ll continue pursuing commonplace compassion and persist in my mopping marathon until one day the stains on my kids’ hearts and my bathroom floor fade.

Amada: Beloved.

Being a teenage girl is hard. There is pressure to do well in school, to care for younger siblings, to get in with the “cool” crowd, to date…and the list goes on and on. Teenage girls are surrounded with lies: you’re not pretty enough, you’re boring, you’ll never amount to anything, you’re unlovable, you need a serious boyfriend to fit in.

During a weekend in August Back2Back Cancun staff was able to combat these lies in the lives of teen volunteers and girls we work with. With the help of psychologist Lorena Cavazos teens were able to delve into hard topics like identity, feelings, boys, and purity. Staff was able to proclaim the truth that you are God’s, you are strong, you have been in God’s thoughts since before you were born, and God has a plan for your joys, hurts, and relationships.

It was beautiful to see timid teens who are normally too scared and self-conscious to speak up running around the house giggling, making new friends, and sharing their hearts with others. And it still touches my heart to see them wearing the bracelets we gave them to remind them they are loved—Amada.

“So, what was your favorite part of the retreat?” I asked on the drive home. “Everything!” my van full of girls chorused back. “What would you change for next year?” I followed up. “Do it for 3 days! No, a week! How about two weeks?!!” they screamed. I think it’s safe to say that between being honest about hard topics, playing in the pool, doing collage crafts, watching a late night movie, and eating way too much food everybody had a good time. And even now, two weeks later, they can’t stop reminiscing with beaming smiles on their faces.

Just talking with them, you can see that they are more confident. Girls who wouldn’t talk during activities before the retreat are now smiling, answering questions, and participating. Two teens have begun coming more regularly to classes Back2Back staff give at a local community center on Wednesdays and Saturdays. And girls who previously had trouble making friends their age are excitedly asking about when they get to see their new friends from the retreat again. I have no doubt that God will use the seeds he planted in their hearts at this retreat to grow each one into a loving woman of God. Praise the Lord.

Boundless Hope

After spending time with Oti's family of 7 kids, I realized that they didn't have a very good understanding of their feelings. Sometimes they would react in unhelpful ways because they didn't understand what was going on around them or inside of them. We decided to start doing monthly emotions/character quality classes with their family and have since talked about anger, honesty, shame, and hope. While some of Oti's girls have big dreams others struggle to think beyond today. 

During our latest class we talked about how God gives us hope we can be confident of because it's based on his promises, which we know are true. We read about God's promises from his word: how he will always love us, protect us, take care of us, fulfill his special plan for us, and make us victorious. Then we played a game where the kids had to go through an obstacle course where each obstacle represented something hard that could happen in our lives because, while God has many promises for us, he doesn't promise that all of life will be easy. They successfully climbed over a chair because we have the confident hope that God loves us even when people make fun of us. They conquered crawling under a table because we have the confident hope that God will take care of us even when our loved ones get sick. And they were led to the finish line blindfolded because we have the confident hope that God will lead us even when we can't see how good can come out of the hard things that happen to us. The kids then had the opportunity to make a collage of different things they hoped for their lives. 

It was awesome to see them be so engaged and to begin understanding the big future that God has planned for them. I have no doubt that God is fulfilling his promise from Jeremiah 29:11 in the lives of Oti's children when he says that he has "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future".

Life Lessons from Energetic 8 Year Olds: Unashamed

Shame is a nasty feeling that comes from the darkness inside of us. It’s rooted in fear and insecurity. It warns us to protect ourselves from rejection, embarrassment, and truth. Shame fosters secrets. It tries to convince us that we need to hide from ourselves and others and that we won’t be accepted for who we are or what we’ve done. It destroys relationships with ourselves, others, and God.

We recently talked about shame during VBS at Rossy’s community center in Bonfil. The theme of the day was “even when you don’t understand, God loves you”. During the class, the small group leaders began washing the kids’ feet but didn’t explain why; instead, they replied “even when you don’t understand, God loves you”. After all of the kids’ feet had been washed the teacher asked them how they felt during the activity. In every other site where we had done this lesson, the kids said that they felt ashamed, embarrassed, and bad because their feet were dirty. Not at Rossy’s. From the minute the buckets of water and towels were brought out all 20 of the kids in my small group were pushing their feet toward the bucket begging me to wash theirs, some of them sloshing the water out of the bucket in their excitement. Many of their feet were black from running in the street, but they had no shame. Some even giggled as they sat their dusty feet on my lap when it was their turn knowing that I was going to make them clean. The kids at Rossy’s aren’t ashamed to be who they are. They aren’t ashamed to sing at the top of their lungs into a microphone praising Jesus. They aren’t ashamed to play games that make them look silly, and they aren’t ashamed of hard things that have happened in life.

They have been set free from shame and guilt through the blood of Christ and now have nothing to fear. It’s not that their lives aren’t difficult or that they haven’t been touched by hard things—most live in one room apartments off of a diet of Spaghetti O’s and are the first generation in their family who can read and write. They understand hard. They just know that the hard things aren’t what’s most important. And so they jump into life two feet first, up for anything, doing all things with gusto. They have a hungry hope that works out the impossible and an enthusiasm that brings life where there once was none. Every day at Rossy’s is a beautiful craziness and that is why I love them with so very much of my heart. And that is why I am here—to serve them and to help them to never lose their unashamed pursuit of God.

Sofi's First Email Address

I have been given an incredible privilege: the ability to participate in human redemption and restoration. To step into their stories and be a witness to God's healing grace in their lives. Sometimes that takes the face of the extraordinary, but more often than not I've found that on the surface it looks surprisingly mundane.

One of the moms we work with has two daughters who have lived at the San Jose Children's Home for the past 7 years. While she has suffered from both depression and alcoholism, the main reason for why her girls do not live with her is because she does not have a consistent job. So a few days ago I went with her to a shop where they sell internet to browse through job postings on Mexico's version of Craig's List. After jotting down a couple that we would later call and look in to, I asked the mother to do something on the computer and realized that she had never used a computer mouse before.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with tenderness as I looked into the eyes of a 30 year old woman who gazed back at me with the trusting, eager expectation that school girls have towards their teachers. I showed her how to hold the mouse, how to click, how to scroll up and down the page. I wrote down instructions on how to look for jobs online, and we created her very first email account. I felt so touched that she would allow me to care for her in that way. It was a simple task, but it didn't feel simple--it was a reminder that everything matters. A reminder to choose gentleness over a to-do lists in a world where so many of us may look, pretend, or fancy that we are big, strong, and grown up but are still in so many ways little children.

I'm so thankful that I am the child of such a marvelous father: a father who by allowing me to care for a woman in an internet shop, showed me how intimately and tenderly he cares for me.