Called to Service

I believe that God calls us to places where we can best see and serve him. Places that make aspects of his character that may have been foggy before more clear to us. Places where we give up more of ourselves to lean more heavily into him. Places where he makes us more fully into who he is creating us to be.

Working with Back2Back Ministries in Cancun, Mexico has been one of those places for me. Cancun has been a place where I have felt both entirely inadequate and fully capable, completely disoriented and utterly at home, wholly alone and in true communion with God and others. It has been a place where polarities somehow co-exist because it has been a place where I have known who I am and who God is and have not confused the two. A place where my shortcomings have been met by his fullness, my confusion by his peace, and my selfishness by his grace. A place where I have learned to listen and obey while God works out his predestined plan, rather than attempting to take control of my own plan.

And it is with a similar sense of obedience that I will be saying goodbye to full-time ministry with Back2Back and hello to a new place and a new purpose that God has for me when I graduate in December. Just as God prepared a place for me in Cancun and called me to his work here, I believe that God is preparing a place for me in December--I am not sure where that is or what I will be doing but am confident that I will not go alone and that whatever God has for me will be far better than anything I could orchestrate. Thank you for all of your prayers and support during this beautiful time in my life--it has meant the world to me to know that I have never been alone in this work.

So as this chapter ends, I celebrate what it has been and look toward the future with hope, having full confidence that relationships rooted in God's love are eternal and that the same good God who wrote a time of ministry in Mexico into my story is writing the next chapter.

Freedom from Fear

Elisa & Her Family

Fear is powerful. overwhelming. debilitating. It's a feeling that seems to get under your skin and not want to leave. Elisa is 12 years old and knows all too well what fear feels like. She's had some hard times with her family and spent a year living in a children's home before being reunited with her mom.

Sometimes Elisa couldn't sleep because she was thinking about past hurts. She had nightmares, too. But earlier this month, Elisa told her Christian counselor that she didn't want to live in fear anymore--she wanted to be free. Elisa had heard Darlene, her family's Back2Back caseworker, tell her about how Jesus could free her from that fear many times during weekly devotions, but that day, it became real to her.

Elisa told her counselor she didn't want to try to make the fear go away by herself anymore--she knew that didn't work. Instead, she wanted to invite Jesus into her fear, knowing that he and he alone could set her free. Elisa asked Jesus to be her Savior that day, believing deep in her heart that he is. Now, Elisa knows that she is not alone. She knows that she is protected. She knows that her God is so much bigger than any of her fears, that she can tell him about what scares her any time, and that he will always protect and comfort her.

Elisa with Friends at Elementary School Graduation

Elisa's fear doesn't hold power over her anymore because she knows that her God is so much bigger. She doesn't have trouble sleeping anymore, and her nightmares are gone. Praise the LORD who calms the fears of children and who promises to free us from ours, as well. To him be all of the power and the glory and the honor forever and ever. Amen.

Mountains and Valleys

Life is filled with ups and downs, good days and bad days, moving forward and moving backward. And while it would be nice to see continual forward progress in the kids and families that I work with, and in my own life, that just isn’t reality. We are all human. The ebb and flow of ups and downs in life is a part of humanity, as is the continual struggle of making decisions that propel us forward, push us backward, or keep us stuck where we are. And while we can pursue continual forward motion, I am convinced that we will never be completely free of life’s mountains and valleys until we reach the other side of paradise.

While these ups and downs can be quite frustrating, I think they can also lead us into further humbleness as they teach us to give grace to ourselves and others and leave us in awe and wonder of God’s perfect, faithful constancy in contrast to our fickle inconsistency. It also frees us to see our present circumstances from a new perspective—to know that our current valley or mistake isn’t the end of all things or even all that important in the grand scheme of things. Rather, it is a chapter in a much larger story that will end in the perfect plateau of complete joy.

So when Mario misses Bible class again or when Jorge comes home drunk after promising to quit or when I lose my patience and say hurtful words, I can continue in hope knowing that this is all a part of the messy, complicated process of being restored to who we were created to be. I can celebrate the mountains and not be consumed by the valleys because of the grace and mercy that our constant God lavishes on his fickle children.

So today I celebrate with Wendy, who is starting her own business, and Perla, who made the honor roll, and Jose Luis, who is a leader on his cultural dance team at school. And I join in prayer with Adriana, who is struggling to find motivation, and Yolanda, who feels trapped in a hard situation, and Leydy, who is struggling to pass math. Praying that God would give me and my fellow Back2Back staff members the patience to walk with them through the valleys and the mountains til we reach that perfect plateau.

In addition to continuing to pray for the hills and dips of Back2Back’s work in Mexico, I also ask that you would join with me in praying for my future. As I think about how I will be finishing up my Master’s program in 9 months and begin looking at what the future may hold for me, I see a blank page of both uncertainty and opportunity. I want to be wherever I can best seek and serve God but am not sure what that practically looks like. While I am unsure as to where I will be and what I will be doing after graduation, I feel called to continue working remotely with Back2Back until then by continuing to supervise a Mexican case manager and consult with staff on big changes we are making to our process of working with the families. An additional $2,500 is needed for me to continue this work through December. I would like to invite you to be a part of this work by financially partnering with me and would love to talk with you more about this. If you are interested in financially partnering with me in this work, you can visit https://donations.back2back.org/and specify that you would like the donation to go towards staff support and place my name in the donation memo box. Thank you so much for considering this and for all of the ways that you support me. I am so grateful for all of you.

I pray that you would see God’s presence clearly in the mountains and valleys in your life right now and that you would be comforted in knowing that you never walk alone. 

Growing Together

Lately, I have been reminded of the beauty of God's steadfast redemptive plan, which remains constant even when I cannot see it. God's process of creating us into who we were made to be is not quick or easy. Sometimes it's hard to understand or trust in things we cannot see. But if we have faith through the ambiguity and the fog, I believe we will, with God's help, one day fully realize the beauty woven throughout the joy and the sorrow of our journey towards completeness.

Today I give thanks for the beauty that I see in God's restoration of Perla and Ami's family. Back2Back first met Perla and Ami six years ago at the San Jose Children's Home. Perla was a timid, quiet little girl who sometimes seemed to want to be invisible. Ami, Perla's younger sister, was a boisterous fighter who wasn't afraid to let you know what she was thinking or feeling. Despite having opposite personalities, these two sisters were very close and both shared the same hope of someday moving back home to live with their mom. They understood that their mom wasn't in a place to care for them at the time but that didn't change their longing to be united as a family. Throughout their stay at the children's home Perla grew to be a self-confident, proud young lady, and Ami learned to channel her emotions and outgoing personality toward contagious charisma. Their mom, Esmeralda, also grew during this time, healing her past hurts and learning parenting skills. Throughout 8 long years in the children's home, Perla and Ami never lost hope or stopped dreaming of their family being together again. Last June, the girls were finally reunited with their mom. While the transition has had its hard moments, they have always worked through things together as a family.

God never abandoned Perla and Ami's family--not during their stay at the children's home or during their transition home to live with their mom--and he won't abandon them in this next chapter of their lives either. God used the 8 years of unknowns and separation while living in a children's home to heal Perla, Ami, and Esmeralda so they could be safely restored as a family again. And I for one believe the pain of those years is nothing compared to the beauty of their restored family today. Not only have they been reunited, but they are growing--Esmeralda is expecting a baby boy this spring, and Perla and Ami are beyond excited to be big sisters. Thanks be to God.

Pictures from Esmeralda's Baby Shower

Going Home to Rossy's

Living as a missionary for a year in a half changed my understanding of home. While Upland, IN is my most significant place and I still call it home, my understanding of where home is and what it means to be home is much more dependent on relationships than location. Being with my family feels like home. Going to UCC feels like home. Drinking a quake at Payne's with friends feels like home.

And in January, I was able to go home to Rossy's Bible school while visiting Back2Back Cancun. Spending time with my beloved Bonfil kids, seeing how they've gotten taller and more mature and more loving, and being able to share life with them even for a few short days--I was home.

While I was visiting, God blessed me with the chance to teach the middle school Bible class like I did twice a week for the 18 months I lived in Cancun. We talked about worship and what it means to glorify and honor God. We talked about the difference between general worship, honoring God in how we live every day, and special worship, honoring God by spending time intentionally declaring his praises, praying, and reading the Bible. Looking more at general worship, we talked about obedience as a way to worship God, about how we obey whatever or whomever we love the most (ourselves, others, or God). The kids listened attentively and were eager to answer questions to earn points for their team in hopes of winning the prize of stick-on tattoos. And as I heard children declare who God is and what it looks like to obey him by loving others, being generous, and helping out around the house, I was filled with joy. My heart was full because I felt at home--everything felt comfortable and familiar and filled with trusting love--but everything wasn't the same as six months ago, it was better. It was better because the kids hadn't remained stagnant, they had grown. They were more respectful and more encouraging and more excited than ever to share how God is real to them.

Standing in the cement-block classroom of the Bible school surrounded by 30 middle schoolers, in the middle of an urban neighborhood filled with poverty, drugs, and violence, I couldn't help but smile. From the outside looking in, I had so little in common with the children I felt so at home with--they are Mexican, I am American; they struggle to afford food everyday, I am live in a world of middle-class comforts; they have lived so many hard things in their 8 or 10 or 14 years of life, I have experienced a life of safety and security. But despite our differences, we are united in Christ. And in their presence, I am home. Through that little Bible lesson, God reminded me that home is wherever there is fellowship with Him and His family of believers. Through those kids, He gave me a glimpse of what it will be like to be home in heaven someday, worshiping God in perfect unity and fully restored relationships with God, one another, and ourselves. And I am so grateful for the gift of that little glimpse of home.

Looking Back and Looking Ahead

Rubi outside her house

Yesterday I was able to share some of the exciting things that God has been doing in Cancun, Mexico with my church, and I thought I would share it with all of you, too :) I've loved being the social worker for Back2Back's Cancun site for the past year and a half and getting a front row seat to the ways that God has been at work reaching his children in Mexico. The first person who comes to my mind when I think about God’s healing power is a 15 year old girl named Rubi. 

Rubi at the annual Girls Retreat

Rubi comes from a violent, abusive home and had been caught drinking, smoking, and getting involved with an older boyfriend. Her dad died when she was six, and she never got along with her step dad. Her mom was diagnosed with cancer in February. After working with Rubi and her family for six months, Rubi pulled my co-worker aside after class. Rubi said “you and Sarah keep saying that when you believe in God you’re not alone anymore because God’s with you—I don’t want to be alone anymore; show me how.” So they prayed and sang a worship song together and we gave Rubi a Bible—she reads it all the time. In May, her mom was healed of cancer—Rubi says she knows God’s real because he answered her prayers to heal her mom; she says that now it’s her job to tell everybody about him and obey him. Rubi stopped hanging out with her old friends, stopped drinking and smoking, and regularly attends Bible classes. God is in the process of redeeming not just Rubi’s story, but all of his children's stories in Cancun. Four girls living at the children’s home have been reunited with their biological moms, and two more are expected to transition home this fall. Four parents and five teens accepted Christ this year. All of the kids are studying with tutors—some are even above grade level, and three of our kids have begun volunteering at their church’s tutoring program. And the Community Center of Tres Reyes will open in the fall after over two years of construction. God is good.

Thank you for all of the ways you’ve been involved in God’s ministry through Back2Back Cancun—through your prayers, encouragement, and financial support. It’s been a beautiful year and a half of service for me, and I’m excited to continue working with Back2Back part-time as I begin graduate school this fall in St. Louis. I’ll continue supervising Back2Back’s new social worker and helping with program development via the internet and visiting the site every few months. I ask that you’d please pray for me and the Back2Back Cancun site during this transition and would like to invite you to continue partnering with me both through prayer and financial support as I’m in the process of raising about $5,000 for this part-time role. I’d love to talk with you more if you’re interested and share 1,000 more God stories about adorable children with you. Thank you so much for the blessing you’ve been to me and God’s ministry in Cancun. <3

Saying "see ya later" to Mexico

As I think about heading back to the States to start grad school in a few weeks, my heart is divided. I'm both excited and sad to leave people who I've come to love here in Mexico. I feel blessed that I'll be able to continue working with Back2Back part-time over the internet supervising the new social worker and continuing to influence how we work with these beloved kids and families here, but I also know that I won't be able to do my favorite part of my job from St. Louis.

From an outsiders point of view, my job may seem flashing and exciting and world-changing. I, however, would say that I am in the business of healing hearts, which is in essence a miraculously mundane process. There are no perfect words or quick fixes. Lots of time, lots of waiting, lots of being together, some words, some mistakes, lots of forgiveness, some tears, and lots of laughs. But no magic buttons.

I'm a missionary in Mexico, and what I do everyday is miraculously mundane. Nothing I do is glorious--although I do it all with and for a glorious God. I listen to upset mothers and lead kids in games and break up fights and make birthday cakes and take kids to the doctor. All things that normal families do--I just so happen to do all of those things with little brown-skinned Spanish speakers. And while those moments taken separately are nothing special, when done together they lead to trust and love and healing. And that is the slow but glorious work that God has called me to be a part of here in Cancun--and that is why it is so hard for me to leave. Because leaving for 1 1/2 years means giving up all of the little moments in which lay all of the meaning and which I have come to love and treasure quite desperately.

I love that I know that Hania doesn't like cheese on her sandwich and that all of the middle school boys like Carla and that Eduardo acts up when he gets too hot and that Gael is really 10 years old (even though he tells everyone he's 12) and that Jonatan loves to dance during worship. I love that Luis calls me Auntie and that Citlally asks where my ring is when I forget to put it on and that Jiromi and I share a birthday and Ami and I have an inside joke about the time she ate a whole bag of carrots just to hear me say that I was proud of her for eating her vegetables.

I love all of those little moments and those are little moments that I can't have over the internet; they are moments that only exist by being together. And that is what I will miss most while at grad school--being with these kids. And yet I say yes to another change, another city, another opportunity to learn, another chance to see God in new ways
 knowing that the children and families I love are his and that he will keep them and draw them to himself. I move forward knowing that the love and relationships God gave me in Mexico were not given in vain, but for his glory. I trust him both with the kids present and their future, and I trust him with the love I've come to have for them--longing for that beautiful day when we will no longer be separated by time or distance or any of the barriers that exist in this world. A day when we can fully know and embrace one another in complete and total worship to God. So today I thank him for being God and for being good and for working out all things for his good, pleasing, and perfect will.

King Daniel

It seems like so few things in life can be reduced to black and white--people are complicated and most situations seem to be a mix of both good and bad. Sometimes it can feel long working with kids and watching them improve and digress, improve and digress... it can be easy to want black and white, right and wrong, clearly defined situations even though you know that such polarizations wouldn't really encompass the whole truth.

In the midst of such a fluid process of change and growth, every once and a while I'm surprised by a black-and-white, visible, undeniable moment that allows us to witness 100% improvement with a child. And I believe those moments should be shared :)

Daniel with his siblings and I working with a Team

I know a 6 year old boy named Daniel. One of the first times that I met Daniel was at a Bible class where we were handing out suckers as a reward for good behavior. I asked Daniel if he liked suckers, and he looked at me with the "if you don't know the answer to that question you must really be stupid" face that only 6 year olds can get away with and replied "Sarah, look at my teeth. Does it look like I like suckers?" and sassily showed me a mouth full of rotted out, black teeth. It's safe to say Daniel likes sugar :)

Up until this month, Daniel refused to smile for pictures because he was ashamed of his teeth. He was also in danger of never having healthy permanent teeth because of how bad his baby teeth were. Daniel's mom didn't have enough money for the treatment that he needed. Through child sponsorship we were able give Daniel's family a scholarship for 85% of the cost
of the treatment. The day after his first visit to the dentist Daniel's brother came running to the Bible school to tell me I had to see Daniel's teeth--they looked beautiful. As I was talking with his brother, I saw Daniel round the bend coming to the Bible school. I called at him from a block away "King Daniel! Look at you, Mr. Handsome! Come on, show me those beautiful white teeth!" Daniel came running towards me flashing his beautiful white smile all the way. When he got to me he shoved his smile in my face and proudly proclaimed that he already showed his new teeth off to all of his neighbors.

Daniel isn't ashamed to smile anymore and finally feels like the little king I always tell him he is. The dentist said the treatment will save his adult teeth so his smile will go on shining for the rest of his life. God loves Daniel and saw how much help he needed for his teeth long before we did. He brought Daniel and his sponsors together and used that beautiful friendship to restore Daniel's teeth changing them from black to white. Just like God saw Daniel's visible, physical need he also sees into our hearts to know what each of us needs even in situations that are very much grey and complicated. And just like God had a plan for fixing Daniel's teeth, he has a plan to restore each of our hearts to him. And that black and white promise gives me more than enough hope to sit in the grey situations; I hope it does the same for you.

Marisol: God's Princess

Sometimes kids amaze me. Just when you think they're not paying attention or they don't understand what you're trying to teach them, they say or do something that's more profound than what you've been saying all along. And it reminds me that I'm not the true teacher or the true changer of hearts: God is.

Marisol with Three of her Sisters

Rodrigo, who is Special for Being a Good Brother to Marisol

I had one of those moments a few days ago while I was doing some self-esteem activities with a family of 7 kids. We talked about truths that God says about us and lies that people sometimes tell us. Then we read the book You are Special by Max Lucado and finished by making bookmarks decorated with stickers explaining what makes us special. I explained that we are special because God created us, and he loves us. Some of us are special because we're really good at math, others because we're really funny, and others are special for still other reasons. About halfway through I noticed that Marisol was writing a lot on her bookmark. I started to smile as I thought back to the first time I met her--she was quiet, had scared eyes, and responded to most of my questions with an "I don't know" shoulder shrug. She couldn't tell me what she liked to do or what she wanted to be when she grew up, and it seemed like what she wanted most was to go unnoticed. I thought about how much I'd seen her grow in the past year... she always participated in the class now, was eager to volunteer to read, greeted me with a smile and hug every time I came to the house, and would enthusiastically tell others that she wanted to be a teacher when she grew up.

Marisol, God's Beloved Princess

"Sarah, Sarah!" I was drawn out of my daydream by Marisol handing me her bookmark. "Sarah, I finished." she declared with a big smile. I read her bookmark aloud "God says I'm special because I am his princess. God loves me, and that's why I'm a princess and why I'm beautiful." Marisol never would have said that a year ago. And yet, it is so true. Marisol is pretty and kind and good at drawing, but the root of what makes her special is that she is God's and that He loves her. And I am so glad that she knows that and am so amazed by the ways that God is pursuing her and restoring her and making her into who He created her to be. Thanks be to God!

A Night for Japan

“Konichiwa, Yugin! Yugin! Konichiwa! Konichiwa, Yugin!” I giggled while driving as I listened to 8-year-old Jonatan practice the Japanese greeting “Hello, Friend” in a variety of voices ranging from Asian ninja to elderly grandpa to preppy girl.

“Noooo! The other van is going to beat us! Faster, faster, faster!” shouted Fanny. “Sa-rah, Sa-rah, Sa-rah” the kids began chanting in unison. “Sa-rah, Sa-rah, Sa-rah” we were just about to turn into the neighborhood, a good 50 yards in front of the other van full of kids coming to Japan night when….

“NO!!!!!” I exclaimed. The kids grew silent. “A red light!” All of the kids screamed in horror! “Turn green, turn green, turn green” we pleaded as the other van rounded the bend. Suddenly we were neck and neck. The light turned green, and my van coasted through the gate just before the other van. The kids exploded with cheers and laughter—we made it to Japan! To be more accurate, we had made it to the Back2Back group house that was decorated like Japan and where we would spend the night celebrating and learning more about the island nation. But from the kids’ perspective it was just as good as Japan :)

We passed out the passports, paired each child up with an American friend for the evening, and sent them to the basement where we would experience Japan for the night. The twinkle lights and paper lanterns had been hung with care. Kids giggled as they sat on towels on the floor placed around low-lying tables, enjoying cups of green tea. The tutor started off the evening by telling us more about the island country and leading us in an activity worksheet. Then the kids got to learn how to make sushi with their new American friends—the silent room was filled with both determination and concentration as Americans and Mexicans delicately lined up the ingredients and used the bamboo placemat to roll out the most perfect looking sushi rolls. As Brian put it, he didn’t like the sushi roll—he loved it!

For dinner we had fried rice, a new dish for all of the kids. As much as they enjoyed the rice, I think they liked eating with chopsticks even more. Their faces beamed with pride as they conquered a piece of chicken or a pea or a bit of rice by wedging it between the two thin sticks and shoving it into their mouths. We finished off the night by making Japanese paper lanterns and handing out goodie bags with Japanese hot wheels cars and Hello Kitty cookies.

 As I dropped the kids off at their houses that night with voices shouting Sayonara Sarah still echoing in my mind, I was overwhelmed with joy. Through simple things like celebrating Japanese Night, these kids were learning that the world is big and that different cultures do things differently and that people can do really big, cool things through Christ. To me, that night was an example of how God wants to give more to his children. He doesn’t want them to live mediocre, ok, fine lives. He wants to invite them into a life filled with abundance that is so much bigger and greater than we can imagine. While those kids’ parents were sitting at home counting out pesos wondering what they could afford to buy for dinner, God saw them and brought a Bible teacher to live next door who has been serving hot meals twice a week for twenty years. While their illiterate moms were struggling to make their kids do the homework that they couldn’t read, God saw them and brought a tutor to the Bible school last November to help them succeed. And while neighbors are shooting fathers with bullets out of anger, God sees and sends an angel to help his children not to be afraid. So while I don’t know the plans that God has for his children, I am confident that they are far greater than anything I can ask for or imagine, and I am grateful that he has allowed me to be a part of bringing more to his children’s lives albeit in small ways like a pretend field trip to Japan.

Bonfil Teens Go to Youth Group :)

Do you remember what it was like to see the world through the eyes of a child—the excitement of picking out whichever candy bar you wanted from rows upon rows of choices at the gas station; having your eyes opened to the immense pleasure of undiscovered worlds during your first visit to the movie theatre; the joy found in digging for buried treasure in the dirt under park benches?

I love how kids tend to see the world with such purity, simplicity, and wonder. And I love that my job gives me the opportunity to see the world through their eyes so much of the time. I was most recently reminded of this while taking some of the teenagers from the Bonfil community to youth group at my church. It was a whole new world for them: a water dispenser with funny little red plastic cups, swiveling air conditioners, blue Bibles with doves stamped with black ink on the pages, new songs, the expectation to sit and listen quietly—SO much newness, both overwhelming and invigorating for them.

Oscar prays for peace and harmony

None of them go to church, and while some of them have been on special holidays, none of them had ever been to a church like this. And while I struggled to keep them quiet and attentive, painfully aware of the backward glances and whispers from others each time my kids giggled inappropriately or made a snide comment or said they were tired of sitting in the class and wanted to play, I was overcome with love for my kids when the teacher asked what we would ask God for if we could ask for one thing. Other teens asked for Xboxes, a cello, play stations. My boy leaned over to me and whispered “peace and harmony”.

I was, again, overwhelmed by tenderness when the teacher asked us to turn to Joshua 1:9 in our Bibles. I smiled, knowing that this was one of the verses that my kids had memorized. When the teacher began to read the verse, one of my boys pushed past three of the other students, grabbed my arms, and with a look of absolute amazement exclaimed “Sarah! I know this verse! It’s the one we learned together! It really is in the Bible!” I couldn’t hold back my laughter as he tore through the pages looking for Matthew 6:9-13 (the Lord’s Prayer), another passage we had memorized.

So after a night of new experiences and saying goodbye to the teacher who thanked me for bringing “my” kids, who he agreed are “full of life”, we got back into the van and headed home. It was pure excitement the whole way back—“We loved it!” they shouted.

“Won’t you please take us with you on Sunday, too, Sarah—please!” begged one girl.

Three Teens from the Bonfil Community

“I made friends with the boy next to me today, Sarah, his name is Jeffery.” interrupted the boy sitting next to her.

“Who wants to go back again next week?” I asked.

“ME!!!” they all shouted in harmony. And I just smiled, happy to be in a van full of teens who beg to go to church and are delighted by finding verses they know in Bibles and who take little red plastic drinking cups home from churches as souvenirs to show their moms.

Special Stories

I love people, and I love their stories, and I feel beyond blessed every time that someone chooses to share their story with me. By doing so, they're inviting me into their life and into their heart, and I find that to be deeply beautiful. One of my favorite things that I get to do with Back2Back is help the kids we work with to write down their life stories. I love watching their eyes sparkle as they tell me about the happiest thing they remember doing or what they want to be when they grow up. I giggle every time someone tells me they love Justin Bieber, and I'm always struck by how deeply, purely, and simply children understand the world we live in. Kids are truly remarkable.

Want to make a tangible difference in Luis's life?
  Consider sponsoring him 

Most of the time, I try to write their life stories with just them so they don't feel pressured by their siblings or parents and so they can have the space to think. But when I went to little Luis's house to hear his story, his mom wanted to be a part of it, too. I said yes, although somewhat begrudgingly, knowing that Luis wouldn't tell me certain things because his mom was there. But God knew what he had planned for that day. Luis was nervous at first, but after a few questions I saw his face visibly change. He was glowing--soaking up every moment of talking about his life with his mom. I couldn't help but smile as I watched them talk about what Luis was good at, fun things their family has done together, and their story of moving to Cancun. It was obvious that Luis was loving the one-on-one attention he was getting from his mom, and I couldn't help but wonder if this was the first time they'd talked so much about just him.

Luis's Family at the Bonfil Community Christmas Party

In that moment, I was reminded of why I am working with Back2Back Ministries in Mexico. God brought me here to be a part of the work of his heart and to reach his children: to restore families, to redeem broken hearts, and to reach those who are earnestly seeking him. And I think that starts with one person feeling loved and special. Eventually those moments of feeling loved and special add up, and kids begin to understand that what God says is real, and healing takes place, and God is glorified. So as I help kids to write their stories and teach classes and plan events it's beautiful to know that I'm not the one making the change, God is. It's equally as lovely that God has decided to include me in that work so that I get to see with my own eyes so many of those little moments that add up to big change. We serve a very good God.

Little by Little

As many of you know, I recently moved into my own little apartment behind our new group house. Like most spaces that haven’t been lived in for a few months, there were a few cobwebs and stains that needed cleaning before I could move in; there was a particularly large stain on the floor in the bathroom, but I didn’t think much of it because I figured it wasn’t anything a good mopping wouldn’t take care of. Little did I know what I was up against. I tried everything—bathroom cleaner, bleach, CLR, special sponges. So little progress, so much perma-grunge. However, as time went on, I began to notice that every time I would mop the stain would get ever-so-slightly smaller. Some of the toughest cleaners chemists have contrived were working just as effectively as daily mopping.

Adela's Birthday Pool Party

And while it may seem like a strange parallel, it reminded me of the kids I work with everyday. They’ve all lived hard things, and those hard things have left stains on their hearts. And sometimes I wish that I could remove those stains with one motivational speaker at a retreat or a well-planned Bible class or a few sessions with a therapist, but it doesn’t work that way. Their stains are the type that need daily cleansing and attention. While I may not always be able to see it, every load of groceries, delivery of library books, visit with short-term mission groups, and birthday party is slowly but surely cleaning the stain from their hearts. A weekend retreat may have the same power over the stain as chatting over an afternoon ice cream cone—it’s something you just can’t predict.

Breaking Open the Pinata

And last Sunday at a little girl’s birthday party, I got to see a little piece of stain be wiped clean. The birthday girl’s older sister, Paty (11), was in the kitchen. She’d already eaten a hot dog and was halfway through her cheeseburger when she brought me her plate and declared “Sarah, I’m full. I’m not going to eat the rest of my cheeseburger right now”. That may sound like a typical kid response at a birthday party, but Paty’s not a typical girl. When we first started having the girls over they would eat like a college football team, stuffing themselves to the brim, because life had taught them you had to gorge yourself when given the opportunity because you didn’t know when your next meal would be. But on Sunday, Paty didn’t feel like she needed to eat until she felt uncomfortable, which shows that she trusted that there would be food for her to eat when she did get hungry again. She no longer needed to live in fear for her basic needs. She would be taken care of.

Paty :)

And in that moment, I just smiled knowing that a stain we’d been scrubbing for over 4 years now was begin to come clean. Sometimes God calls us to big flashy things, and sometimes he calls us to be faithful in the everyday; we must not forget the power that lies in daily, persistent obedience. And so I’ll continue pursuing commonplace compassion and persist in my mopping marathon until one day the stains on my kids’ hearts and my bathroom floor fade.

Amada: Beloved.

Being a teenage girl is hard. There is pressure to do well in school, to care for younger siblings, to get in with the “cool” crowd, to date…and the list goes on and on. Teenage girls are surrounded with lies: you’re not pretty enough, you’re boring, you’ll never amount to anything, you’re unlovable, you need a serious boyfriend to fit in.

During a weekend in August Back2Back Cancun staff was able to combat these lies in the lives of teen volunteers and girls we work with. With the help of psychologist Lorena Cavazos teens were able to delve into hard topics like identity, feelings, boys, and purity. Staff was able to proclaim the truth that you are God’s, you are strong, you have been in God’s thoughts since before you were born, and God has a plan for your joys, hurts, and relationships.

It was beautiful to see timid teens who are normally too scared and self-conscious to speak up running around the house giggling, making new friends, and sharing their hearts with others. And it still touches my heart to see them wearing the bracelets we gave them to remind them they are loved—Amada.

“So, what was your favorite part of the retreat?” I asked on the drive home. “Everything!” my van full of girls chorused back. “What would you change for next year?” I followed up. “Do it for 3 days! No, a week! How about two weeks?!!” they screamed. I think it’s safe to say that between being honest about hard topics, playing in the pool, doing collage crafts, watching a late night movie, and eating way too much food everybody had a good time. And even now, two weeks later, they can’t stop reminiscing with beaming smiles on their faces.

Just talking with them, you can see that they are more confident. Girls who wouldn’t talk during activities before the retreat are now smiling, answering questions, and participating. Two teens have begun coming more regularly to classes Back2Back staff give at a local community center on Wednesdays and Saturdays. And girls who previously had trouble making friends their age are excitedly asking about when they get to see their new friends from the retreat again. I have no doubt that God will use the seeds he planted in their hearts at this retreat to grow each one into a loving woman of God. Praise the Lord.

Boundless Hope

After spending time with Oti's family of 7 kids, I realized that they didn't have a very good understanding of their feelings. Sometimes they would react in unhelpful ways because they didn't understand what was going on around them or inside of them. We decided to start doing monthly emotions/character quality classes with their family and have since talked about anger, honesty, shame, and hope. While some of Oti's girls have big dreams others struggle to think beyond today. 

During our latest class we talked about how God gives us hope we can be confident of because it's based on his promises, which we know are true. We read about God's promises from his word: how he will always love us, protect us, take care of us, fulfill his special plan for us, and make us victorious. Then we played a game where the kids had to go through an obstacle course where each obstacle represented something hard that could happen in our lives because, while God has many promises for us, he doesn't promise that all of life will be easy. They successfully climbed over a chair because we have the confident hope that God loves us even when people make fun of us. They conquered crawling under a table because we have the confident hope that God will take care of us even when our loved ones get sick. And they were led to the finish line blindfolded because we have the confident hope that God will lead us even when we can't see how good can come out of the hard things that happen to us. The kids then had the opportunity to make a collage of different things they hoped for their lives. 

It was awesome to see them be so engaged and to begin understanding the big future that God has planned for them. I have no doubt that God is fulfilling his promise from Jeremiah 29:11 in the lives of Oti's children when he says that he has "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future".

Life Lessons from Energetic 8 Year Olds: Unashamed

Shame is a nasty feeling that comes from the darkness inside of us. It’s rooted in fear and insecurity. It warns us to protect ourselves from rejection, embarrassment, and truth. Shame fosters secrets. It tries to convince us that we need to hide from ourselves and others and that we won’t be accepted for who we are or what we’ve done. It destroys relationships with ourselves, others, and God.

We recently talked about shame during VBS at Rossy’s community center in Bonfil. The theme of the day was “even when you don’t understand, God loves you”. During the class, the small group leaders began washing the kids’ feet but didn’t explain why; instead, they replied “even when you don’t understand, God loves you”. After all of the kids’ feet had been washed the teacher asked them how they felt during the activity. In every other site where we had done this lesson, the kids said that they felt ashamed, embarrassed, and bad because their feet were dirty. Not at Rossy’s. From the minute the buckets of water and towels were brought out all 20 of the kids in my small group were pushing their feet toward the bucket begging me to wash theirs, some of them sloshing the water out of the bucket in their excitement. Many of their feet were black from running in the street, but they had no shame. Some even giggled as they sat their dusty feet on my lap when it was their turn knowing that I was going to make them clean. The kids at Rossy’s aren’t ashamed to be who they are. They aren’t ashamed to sing at the top of their lungs into a microphone praising Jesus. They aren’t ashamed to play games that make them look silly, and they aren’t ashamed of hard things that have happened in life.

They have been set free from shame and guilt through the blood of Christ and now have nothing to fear. It’s not that their lives aren’t difficult or that they haven’t been touched by hard things—most live in one room apartments off of a diet of Spaghetti O’s and are the first generation in their family who can read and write. They understand hard. They just know that the hard things aren’t what’s most important. And so they jump into life two feet first, up for anything, doing all things with gusto. They have a hungry hope that works out the impossible and an enthusiasm that brings life where there once was none. Every day at Rossy’s is a beautiful craziness and that is why I love them with so very much of my heart. And that is why I am here—to serve them and to help them to never lose their unashamed pursuit of God.

Sofi's First Email Address

I have been given an incredible privilege: the ability to participate in human redemption and restoration. To step into their stories and be a witness to God's healing grace in their lives. Sometimes that takes the face of the extraordinary, but more often than not I've found that on the surface it looks surprisingly mundane.

One of the moms we work with has two daughters who have lived at the San Jose Children's Home for the past 7 years. While she has suffered from both depression and alcoholism, the main reason for why her girls do not live with her is because she does not have a consistent job. So a few days ago I went with her to a shop where they sell internet to browse through job postings on Mexico's version of Craig's List. After jotting down a couple that we would later call and look in to, I asked the mother to do something on the computer and realized that she had never used a computer mouse before.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with tenderness as I looked into the eyes of a 30 year old woman who gazed back at me with the trusting, eager expectation that school girls have towards their teachers. I showed her how to hold the mouse, how to click, how to scroll up and down the page. I wrote down instructions on how to look for jobs online, and we created her very first email account. I felt so touched that she would allow me to care for her in that way. It was a simple task, but it didn't feel simple--it was a reminder that everything matters. A reminder to choose gentleness over a to-do lists in a world where so many of us may look, pretend, or fancy that we are big, strong, and grown up but are still in so many ways little children.

I'm so thankful that I am the child of such a marvelous father: a father who by allowing me to care for a woman in an internet shop, showed me how intimately and tenderly he cares for me.

Best Birthday :)

I love talking with people about their dreams. I love watching their eyes begin to sparkle and their mouths smile as a far off look comes over their face while they're telling you about what they hope for themselves or for others or for the world. I think that I like it so much because I see God in people in those moments--in their hopes and their passions and their desire to be a part of making whatever that dream is happen.

I believe very much in dreaming. My biggest life dream started in my US history class in high school when I learned about Jane Adams. She started a tenement house in Chicago in the 1920's that worked to give worth and dignity to the impoverished by providing affordable, decent housing. What started as buying a run down tenement house to fix it up and rent the rooms out at the same price but at a much higher quality led to the development of more tenement houses, community programs, and jobs for residents. I think this is beautiful and so a seed for a dream of doing something similar was planted in my heart.

God has been caring for this dream for years--growing my knowledge and skill set through social work classes at Taylor, practicum experiences, and personal relationships. While my dream hasn't been fully realized, God gave me a taste of this dream on my birthday. I got to spend the day painting a cuartaria (building of one-room apartments) where many of the kids from Rossy's community center in Bonfil live. To some, it may seem like a pretty crummy way to spend your birthday--getting covered in paint, dirt, and sweat far away from your family--but to me, it was the most beautiful gift. I love the way that God uses dreaming to call us to the place where we can best know and serve him so that he can continue the process of making us into who we were created to be. And today, I am thankful that God holds my dreams tenderly and that he stays committed even when I grow faint.

Playing with the Kids in the Park after a Long Day Painting

Our Expert Painters :)

My Birthday Buddie, Jiromi